Commodities Day

“I’m back!” Vern shouted and dropped the brown cardboard box of government surplus food onto the kitchen table. Karl strolled in from the living room. “I need to kill Buttons.” Karl looked in the box, found the peanut butter, and opened it. “There’s never bread. What good is peanut butter and no bread?”
“Bread gets moldy,” Vern said. “This stuff stays in warehouses forever. They give us flour to bake our own. They give us all this stuff for free. It’s great. There’s no reason to complain. Why do you need to kill Buttons?”
“He got into a fight with June.”
“How are you planning to do it?”
“I don’t know. Toss him out the window?”
“What stopped you?”
“I can’t find my gloves. You can’t toss a cat without gloves.”
“Sorry. I borrowed them. They’re in my coat pocket.”

….

Downstairs in her studio apartment June was playing Skittle Bowl. There was a knock on the door.
“It’s open!”    

Karl stood in the doorway wearing his gloves and holding the cardboard box. June was sometimes his girlfriend and sometimes not. Right now he wasn’t sure. The top of the box was taped shut.
“June, I have good news.”
“If it’s that cat it better be dead.” June’s arms and face were scratched.
“It’s commodities day, June. Vern just got back. You’re invited for dinner.”
“Thanks, but I have cancer.” 

June set up the pins and swung the ball. Nine. She swung it again, made the spare, and marked it on the score sheet.
“Why do you think?”
“Why do I think what?”
“Why do you think you have cancer, June?”
“Oh, that,” June said. “My private area is green.” She started to cry and made only six.  Next swing left one. An open frame. Her game was ruined. She said, “Fuck!”
“Let me see,” Karl said.

June unzipped her jeans and pushed her panties to the side. “See?”
Karl knelt for a closer look. “You smell like Christmas.”
“That’s just some stuff I bought,” June said.

Karl went into the bathroom and opened the medicine chest. He found the Pine Scented Feminine Deodorant Powder. He poured some into the sink and turned on the tap. The water turned green. Karl and June took a shower together. Buttons clawed his way out of the box and climbed onto the kitchen table looking for food. Instead, he found the Skittle Bowl game and batted the ball with his paw. Pins fell over. Startled, Buttons leapt out the window. Luckily, June’s apartment was on the ground floor. Buttons had never been outside. He liked it a lot.

….

The oven timer bell went off. Vern put on his hot pad mitts and removed the casserole dish. Vern and Karl and June scooped macaroni with cheese and tomatoes onto their plates.

 

Dan Nielsen